Miami is a great liberal city, lively, hot and fun but it does have limits on what one can do. Everyone writes about what one should do in Miami, but tourists better know that there are some things they should not do.
1. Even though Miami is a common destination for all types of illicit drugs, you better know that law enforcement has gotten strict. You can’t go on smoking marijuana on the streets like in the past. If you do, you will be hauled down by police, probably get a kick in the arse and spend a night in jail- not to mention the fine that will come afterwards. Finally, beware in Miami there are cops dressed as Rastafarians and what you think is your druggie friend will turn out to be your nightmare. So no matter how strong the urge to smoke pot, avoid buying drugs off the street- it will definitely ruin your vacation.
2. South Beach has gotten very strict with liquor and beer- so unless you want to know what a Miami jail looks like, I suggest no beer on South Beach.
3. Do not have sex on the beach, esp. South Beach no matter how sexy and seductive the other partner is. Miami may be liberal but sex is not permitted on the beach. This is not Europe. If you want sex, go back to your hotel room.
4. Miami beaches are full of vendors who sell you trinkets and junk. So simply walk by- all these foreign-made junk is Crap. You definitely will never wear a “Justin Bieber came to South Beach” T- shirt back in Wisconsin. Even the Bieber himself does not wear these shirts.
5. Miami is hot so do not skimp on sunscreen. If you do not want to look 60 when you are only 30, you better apply some sunscreen when going out, even if it is cloudy.
6. If you are hungry avoid eating in the fancy over priced restaurants along South Beach. But do taste some of the truck foods – they sell delicious food every morning. If you want even better tasting food- go to little Havana.
7. Don’t skip breakfast. One thing Miami does not lack is some excellent bakeries which serve super breakfast with fresh juice.
8. Do not come to Miami in the summer; it is blistering hot and humid. The best time to visit is from October to February but even during this period you will still need AC and extra underwear.
9. Do not take taxis in Miami. They are expensive and a rip off. Instead buy an Easy Pass. Miami has an excellent bus system, which will take you to all the places that are important. An Easy Pass will save you a ton of money compared to a regular fare.
10. Like all cities there are some parts of Miami you should avoid. And this means avoiding Overtown. It is Miami’s ghetto district where the only good thing that ever happens is 5 gunshots instead of the regular 50 over the weekend.
11. If you want to enjoy Miami, walk over to Bayside Marketplace and the Fairchild Tropical Botanical Park.
12. Do not drive in Miami. Over the past decade Miami traffic has become a nightmare- making things worse are the angry temperamental drivers who are texting, honking and drinking coffee all at the same time. If you are a tourist, take the bus or metro-it will save you many hours of aggravation and probably keep you sane.
13. If your native tongue is English, do not try to impress people with a few words of Spanish like Ole, Si, Nada and No. Spanish residents of Miami may think you are making fun of them- and they are quick at getting upset. Everyone speaks English in Miami and stick to what you know best.
14. Finally do not pick up girls on the street. Miami is most well known for transvestites. What you may think looks like a pretty girl may turn out to be a tranny, transvestite or an undercover cop. And if you are arrested for solicitation on a Friday evening, the earliest you will be released is Monday evening. Miami judges are notorious for spending time at the beach over the weekend checking out the beautiful girls- and they are never in a hurry to get back to work.